Tag: Authenticity

Stop Being Controlled By Your Emotions

Stop Being Controlled By Your Emotions

Emotional management is emotional control.

You can’t always control what emotions you may feel but you can always learn to manage them.

Sherre Webb

Along my journey of personal development, there have been times that I have been in somewhat of a slump, unmotivated to write or to encourage others. Ironically, those same moments served as motivators for me to get back up and keep going. Initially, I would push forward in my efforts to continue to help others become their best self, chase after their dreams, and not give up. Foolishly, there were many times (before I knew better) that I had done that which I now discourage so many to do, which is to avoid acknowledging and honoring the emotional space that one may be occupying in any given moment, especially if that space does not feel good.

Okay, I’m going to put myself on full blast by sharing a time in my life when I was unknowingly living a lie. I placed more importance on not appearing weak or broken in any area of my life when, in fact, during this particular time in my life I really was both weak and broken. The feeling of brokenness silently loomed over every action and word that I had been putting out into the universe which constantly made me question if I was being fake (translated: lying to myself), especially since I absolutely despised any characteristic in a person that appeared inauthentic. Out of ignorance, I thought if I faked it until I made it to where I wanted to be, and become who I was striving to become it would change my circumstances.

Too much?

Authenticity is what I believe makes us better human beings. It allows us to connect and facilitate real growth and change in a world that seems to have been turned upside down and spinning opposite on its axis. As a writer, coach, and business woman, I understand the importance that authenticity plays in achieving success, for without it, you will surely fail. This is why I had to get real with myself, no matter how much I was fighting against the need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. It wasn’t until I was able to be completely honest with myself that I was able to admit that I wasn’t okay with myself. That was also when I was truly able to walk in my authenticity.

Emotions can be a tricky thing if you are not in tune with yourself. Just because you experience an emotion that doesn’t invoke a feeling of being on top of the world doesn’t make the emotion itself wrong. Heck, it may be an emotion that makes you feel downright crappy such as anger, frustration, or sadness. On the flip side of the coin, just because an emotion may make you feel as though you are on top of the world doesn’t necessarily mean the source from which that emotion comes is a good thing, as in the case of someone who has an emotional affair.

We have all, at one time or another, experienced our emotions getting the best of us only to realize that we overreacted. If there is one thing I have learned from being an empath is if I did not learn to control my emotions, they would control me.

Is there truly a way to control your emotions? It may seem as though, at times, they just take over. Honestly, there are times when you just have to allow your emotions to flow, and that’s okay. Actually, there are times when this is absolutely necessary. The key is to not allow those same emotions to jump in the driver’s seat of your life. Your emotions can and should serve as a guide. One that alerts you when you are headed in the wrong direction and redirects you as you go along your journey of life. Emotions are not good or bad, but necessary. How else would you be able to measure your mental, physical, and spiritual health if it weren’t for your emotions? How you deal with your emotions reveals your level of emotional intelligence and being aware of your level of emotional intelligence can help guide you in the areas that need improvement. Your feelings about your emotions, called meta-emotions, can serve as a window that can lead you to find the answers to why you may feel guilty, angry, or other negative emotions when it comes to having certain unhealthy perceptions about yourself.

So, how do you take control of the negative emotions you experience and not allow them to control you? I am going to share with you tools and techniques that may help you avoid the pitfalls that come with not being equipped to deal with your emotions properly. The techniques listed under the last emotion, Fear, are ones that I use to this day. Equipping yourself with the proper tools and techniques puts you ahead of the game in the area of emotional intelligence if you continue to practice these techniques until they become second nature. Keep in mind that with each instance of experiencing negative emotions, it is an opportunity to practice self-awareness and increase your emotional intelligence, and with emotional intelligence comes wisdom. Know that change does not happen overnight but with repetition, it is guaranteed.

  • Anger
    • According to research, taking deep breaths help you to center yourself and maintain your anger.
    • Think first before you act or speak. If you don’t, you may live to regret it. Put things into perspective by understanding why you feel angry.
    • Talk it out: Express your feelings of anger from a place of calmness.
  • Sadness
    • Allow yourself to feel sad as opposed to trying to force the feeling of happiness on yourself. Remember, your feelings are valid, even the ones that don’t feel good. How you deal with the emotions you feel is what matters. Research shows that in some cases one may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). There are several options available for treating the disorder, including
  • Fear
    • This is an emotion that I am all too familiar with because at one point in my life, fear ruled. I would experience anxiety and even panic attacks. I have found the best way to deal with or manage fear is to face whatever it is that is causing you to feel fear. Doing so will help you overcome fear because it forces you to put things into perspective and see the reality of a situation. Usually what you fear is not as big as the story you have told yourself about that which you fear.

Conclusion

Exercise helps alleviate feelings of anger. Learn to release anger so that you do not hold a grudge that will only continue to eat away at you. Taking these steps will give you the power to put anger in its rightful place, disabling its power over you. I once heard someone say that crying was a way to cleanse the soul. I have also found that exercise can give you a much-needed boost because your body releases dopamine and endorphins in your brain which can make you feel happy. Remember, what you fear is not as big as the story you have told yourself. Since I am a big proponent of exercise, my last piece of advice is to get out of the house and go take a walk. You’ll thank yourself later.

If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, anger, fear, or is struggling in other areas in life, online therapy may prove to be very useful. It can be done in the comfort of your home and of course confidentially. Click here for more information.

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