I started writing down my thoughts in 2004 when my youngest sister gave me a book for Christmas. It was purple (my favorite color) and full of empty, lined pages. She said the book was for me to write down my thoughts. She said she thought it was a good idea for me to start putting my thoughts in a journal. She had no idea the magnitude of the gift she had given me and neither did I at the time. I had never in my life written down my thoughts but for years my thoughts had plagued me in such a way that I would feel overwhelmed and not know why; so I started journaling. At first I started writing about the frustrations that come along with everyday life situations. Oftentimes, I would wonder why I couldn’t seem to get this thing called life right and then one day while in a very deep state of thinking, I started writing a poem about walking by faith. Before I knew it I was in a zone and when I went back and read what I had wrote, I was somewhat amazed. For one, I had never written poetry a day in my life and for two, the pain that came through the words of that poem touched me as if I was an outsider reading it for the first time. I felt the pain of the lady that wrote that poem. I realized later on, many poems later, that I am the lady that is the voice of so many women that suffer in silence or don’t know how or haven’t figured out a way to express things they go through or have been through. I realized that I am a voice of women that have felt the kind of pain that silences you and can make you feel all alone.
One day I started writing and I couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with the thoughts that were flowing; this time when I went back and read what I had wrote, once again it was like I was the outsider but this time, I wanted to know more of that lady’s story. This time, it wasn’t poetry but her own personal story that I was reading and I had questions I needed answers to. So I kept writing for my own writing was giving me answers to questions I had been asking myself for years. The saying “the answer lies within you” is true. Whatever your gift is, is also where you will find the answers to all of those questions. It is amazing, truly amazing how wonderfully unique God has designed each and every single person. I used to wonder why I didn’t quite “fit in” no matter how hard I tried. I would feel depressed at times because I knew I was different. I thought differently than a lot of people I talked to and I also realized that I would see things on a much deeper level and this acknowledgment of my individuality made me feel like something was wrong with me so I withdrew even deeper into myself. People didn’t get this about me and thought I was weird and antisocial at times. It wasn’t until I started writing that I realized God didn’t make a mistake when He made me. He designed me to be a deep thinker. He designed me to be an analytical thinker. He designed me so that it is easier at times to express my thoughts in writing that I can express verbally. God designed you to be unique in your own way too, like no one else in this world. That’s a lot to conceptualize when you think about the billions of people on this earth. What makes you different in your own way is on purpose. If there is anyone reading this that connects with what I’m saying and feels like you don’t quite “fit in”, don’t shrink away from that. Embrace it and start the journey of finding out why you feel the way you do. Find out why you don’t quite fit into “this crowd” or “that group of people or organization”. There’s a gift in your uniqueness that is waiting to be discovered and once discovered, will bring you so much joy, peace, and fulfillment. The journey will be well worth traveling.