A couple of years ago my sister challenged me to start my own blog because she believed in me, apparently, more than I believed in myself at the time. So I did it. I remember feeling anxious because I was worried about what people would think. But I also knew that I had words, so many words, that God had given me to share with the world….ok, maybe not the world at that time, but words for someone. Who that someone was, I didn’t know, but I knew I had to start somewhere. I was unsure and anxious about what I viewed as “exposing myself” because I feared judgment…I was afraid of what people would think.
By the way, you may hear me saying “I was scared” or “I was afraid” a lot because most of my life I have operated in a state of fear. Fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of success, fear that I would never find my purpose, fear that I just couldn’t “get it right” whatever “it” was; fear of not being good enough, fear of not being enough. The truth is that I judged myself so harshly that I could never live up to my own standards.
Now back to what I was saying about “The Big Challenge”. The challenge for me was to do what I spoke about in private to my sister, which was to write and be creative in every sense of the word. I accepted the challenge. I was a little scared to “go for it” but I remember listening to a sermon that world renowned author and speaker, Joyce Meyers gave when she said the words “Just do it afraid”. She was speaking in regards to conquering your fears. So….I did it afraid. I designed this website with absolutely no experience whatsoever.
Now I had been writing for some years but never in a million years had I thought about sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. I wrote because it was therapeutic; a way to express myself without fear of judgment. One day I was talking (to my sister, of course) about how much I enjoyed writing and she threw the idea out there that maybe I could blog. At the time, I didn’t even know what that meant. Was I living under a rock or what? I seriously didn’t know the technical term for all of the articles that I constantly read on the internet. I did not know it was something that I could do.
Once I launched my website, I experienced something I had never experienced before: Liberation. I felt like I had been let out of the prison of my mind that I had been trapped in for so many years. I always knew I was introverted, but this new thing…which was nothing new at all, allowed me to be. I wrote a few articles and they all came straight from the heart because it’s the only way I know to express myself. Although I loved writing, that nagging thing called self-doubt wouldn’t leave me alone and then one day…I hit a brick wall. All of a sudden, for the first time in years, I couldn’t think of a single thing to write about. I had “Writer’s Block”.
All of a sudden my mind went blank and I stopped writing for months. The last article I wrote and published before this one was on Valentine’s Day, 2016. Once again, I started working on myself to figure out what lesson I was supposed to learn or in what area I was supposed to grow.
After months of digging and doing the work to figure out the next level I was supposed to go to, the desire to write again came back. I believe it was because I no longer felt the need to prove anything to anyone. I no longer felt pressure (that I, unknowingly, had placed on myself) to do what I thought someone else expected of me. I was doing this (expressing myself through written word) because it is who I am and it’s what I do so freely when I’m not bound by the invisible chains of negative thoughts. Those thoughts of self-doubt kept me from being, doing, saying, feeling, and simply expressing that which I have always been: A writer, a creative, genuine soul that desires to help others break free from the confines of their mind.
I now bring the BIG Challenge to myself everyday to always walk in my purpose, knowing when I am doing so, I am able to touch the lives of those that I am supposed to reach. Challenge yourself. Change your own mind. Do what you want to do and be who you really are. Not because you feel like you have something to prove to someone or to the world but because by doing so, the only result you can get is success.